Helping out
by love-carby
Summary: Picks up where the balcony scene with Abby and Maggie ended in 'Sailing Away'. It's my first fanfic and it's Carby! For now; final chapter up.. R
1. On the balcony

Helping out

Chapter 1

'There's no one here to safe' Maggie said.

I just looked at her. She must feel so much sadness, but I can never quite forgive her. Yes, I'll always love her and help her, because she is my mother, and because that's what I'm supposed to do. But I can't forgive her for everything she'd put me and Eric through when we were kids. Hell, for what she'd put me through today, and probably tomorrow and many days after tomorrow. But just looking at her now, standing on the balcony next to me, yet feeling so alone, I..

'Hey, is everything okay out here?' I here some whisper behind me. I turn around and see Carter standing in the doorway.

'Yeah, everything is fine' I say, but I can see he doesn't really believe me. He knows me too well. Thank God he's letting it go by. For now anyway.

'I'm gonna get something to eat down the street, do you want me to bring something back for you guys?' he looks from me to Maggie and back to me. Maggie doesn't even acknowledge his presence.

'No, we're fine John' I say, looking at Maggie and then at Carter. 'Thanks though'

'Sure, I'll be right back' he says. He lightly touches my shoulder before turning away and leaving to get himself some food. He's been so sweet helping me and all. He's been such a great friend. Before my thoughts start drifting off again I feel a cold breeze blowing through my hair and I notice Maggie shiver next to me.

'Come on mum, let's go inside. It's getting cold out here.' She turns her head to me and looks at me like she has no idea where she is. She was probably deep in thoughts too. To my surprise she doesn't argue it with me, but she just walks inside, leaving me outside alone for a second. I take a deep breath and then follow her inside. She walks from Carter's room straight into our room. That's the benefits of having joined rooms, I think. If anything happens Carter will be right in the next room. I don't know why, but it makes me feel safe. I never really had anyone help me with this. I never needed anyone to help me with this, but I have to admit to myself that I like the idea of having Carter nearby. It's a nice feeling that I'm not alone with my mother. I follow Maggie in our room and find her sitting on the bed.

'Do you want something to eat or drink? I can get us something. Or I can call Carter, he's out getting some food himself.' I ask her.

'No thanks, I just want to go to sleep' she says. Then she grabs the nightgown I brought for her from her bed and walks into the bathroom. I hear water running, so I figure she's gonna be a while, so I decide to call Luka back. I have to admit I feel kind of guilty for doing this with Carter instead of him. He is my boyfriend after all. But still, I can't talk with him the way Carter and I talk. He doesn't understand me the way Carter does. Suddenly I don't feel like calling him anymore. I feel now even guiltier. I shouldn't be thinking about Carter while I'm with Luka, it's just not right. But I can't help it. Now I feel even more confused than before. I don't want to feel this way! I feel tears stinging in my eyes. It's just too much right now. One thing at the time, please! I hear the shower stop and quickly try to compose myself. I don't want my mother to see me this way. I look in the mirror to see if I'm at least a little bit presentable. Well, it'll have to do. I hear the door open and I see Maggie appear in the nightgown I brought. She looks better after her shower. She looks at me with a faint smile around her lips and she crawls into bed. She then looks at me.

'Honey, aren't you going to bed? You must be exhausted and we have a long drive tomorrow, all the way to Chicago. Not that it was my idea, but whatever'

'I'm not that tired yet and I want to wait up for John. But you can go to sleep. I'll just wait in his room. Maybe watch some TV. Do you think you'll be alright?'

'I can sleep alone in a room, I'm not a baby anymore!' she snaps at me. I guess there was too much concern in my voice. I just can't help it. How can I not be concerned right now?

'You're right, I'm sorry' I say, avoiding a fight. 'Goodnight mum' and I flip the light out and close the door behind me. I look around in John's room. What to do now? I ask myself. I go sit on the bed, and that's when I feel how tired I really am. I just didn't notice before. Well, as long as this is a bed, I might as well lay down. As I lay on his bed, for a second my thoughts start drifting of again. Luka, Carter, Luka, John. Why is nothing ever simple? Why can't one thing ever go right in my life? I know I'm not one for self-pity, but I can't stop the tears from falling this time. Once in a while you just have to get it all out, and apparently, now is the time for me. Once the tears start to fall from my eyes, I can't stop them anymore, and I don't want to. It feels so good to cry it all out. But then I hear a door open and close and I know who it is. It's the last person I want to see me cry. The last person I want to see me at my weakest. It's Carter. I turn on the bed so that I'm now face-down on the pillow. Maybe he won't notice me crying. Maybe he'll just think I'm asleep. Yeah right, that'll work; I'm shaking from the sobs and my breathing is as irregular as it can possibly be. But still I lay still. I hear him walk across the room and something on the table before sitting at the very end of the bed. I don't see him, I just feel it. I then feel a hand on my lower leg. As much as I hate to admit it, it feels comfortable.

'Abby?' I hear him ask. I don't respond. 'Abby, I brought back some sandwiches in case you're hungry. You haven't eaten anything since this afternoon, so you must be at least a little hungry..' he says, trying to get a response from me. I still don't say anything. I hear him sigh and I feel a weight being lifted from the mattress as he stands up. I wonder where he's gone to as I here him open the balcony door.

'Abby, come outside with me for a second, please?' I can practically hear him bagging.

I lift me head from the pillow and see him looking at me with concern in his eyes. This just breaks my heart. What did I put him through? He didn't have to come here with me. I shouldn't have dragged him with me. I should've stopped him. But then, here he is, still staring at me in the hope that I stand up and go outside with him. I figure that the least I can do is go with him if that's what he wants. So I stand up and walk to the balcony. He's leaning on the railing, staring at the sky.

'Look, all those stars Abby. It's beautiful' I look at him and then at the sky. He's right, it does look beautiful. I go and stand next to him, leaning on the railing, mimicking his position. We both stand there for a couple of minutes, just staring at the sky. Then I feel his hand on my shoulder. I freeze for a second, hoping he doesn't notice. I look at him, and it doesn't seem he'd sensed me tense up at all. He just looks at me with that look of concern. Those beautiful brown eyes, so full of concern. For a second, we just look at each other. 'Are you okay?'

What am I supposed to say? He just saw me cry. I think I'm gonna go for the safe way out. 'As okay as I can be right now, I guess. I mean, it's been a pretty stressful day and I'm tired. I actually just wanted to go to sleep, but I wanted to wait up for you. I really want to thank you for doing this. You know you don't have to..'

'Abby, you don't have to thank me. I'm your friend, and this is what friends are for. They help each other out – even if they don't need help' he quickly adds, as he already saw me opening my mouth. So I close it again. No need to speak right now. I just look at him thankfully and then turn my gaze back to the stars. I can feel him staring at me for a second longer, before he takes his hand of my shoulder and moves away from the railing. I wonder where he's going, but I just keep staring at the stars. For some reason I don't want to stop looking at them. It's really peaceful. I jump a little when I suddenly hear a voice speaking behind me.

'You said you were tired, come here'

I turn around and see Carter sitting in one of those lay-back-beach-chairs. He motions for me to come sit in front of him. I don't know what he has in mind or what he wants me to do, and I don't really want to know. I'm too tired to think now anyway. So I walk over to him and go sit in front of him between his legs. I then suddenly feel two hands on my shoulders and neck and he starts massaging them. He just hits all the soar spots and it feels like heaven. At first I'm a little reluctant to let go, but soon I'm very relaxed and I let out a low moan. I really don't care. I'm too tired to be embarrassed and he has such magic hands, he must've heard this before. I now actually start to feel very relaxed and I feel my eyes closing. I can't help it. I know I'm falling asleep and there's nothing I can do about it. I think he senses it too, because I feel him stop massaging my shoulders and neck and I feel his arms wrap around my waist and pull me to him. I'm too tired to protest, and quite frankly, I don't want to. My back is now against his chest, moving with him as he breaths in and out. I feel so very relaxed right now. I feel him starting to relax also and then all my thoughts stop, and before I know it, I'm asleep..

A/N: Well that's it people. Let me know what you think and if I should continue. Also, I'm not a native English speaker, so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes. I really do the best I can.


	2. Thoughts in the night

A/N: Thank you all so much for the reviews! I'm glad you liked it. Also thanks for the compliments about my writing. I'm trying really har, so it means a lot to me. But anyway, I've decided to continue the story, so here is chapter 2. This may be a little boring, but I have to put it in to get to the good stuff ;-) enjoy!

Helping out

Chapter 2

I wake up because I'm freezing. It's very cold. Why am I sleeping in the cold? I want to move but I can't. There's someone on top of me. Oh, I remember now. It's not just someone, it's Abby. Abby is sleeping on top of me. And we're still on the balcony, that's why it's so cold. I guess we fell asleep. Not that surprising; it's been a pretty eventful day. Especially for Abby, but for me also. I care so much for her. I know I shouldn't, but I do, I can't help it. Seeing her dealing with her mother, thinking that she has always done this alone, I just couldn't let that happen. And if Luka isn't willing to help, her boyfriend none the less, then someone else should. And I've decided I should be that person. She's my best friend, and I care so much for her, I just couldn't stand to let her deal with this alone. She should know that she can always count on me. I think she knows now. I think she knows..

I feel myself falling back into a peaceful slumber, but catch myself before I'm asleep. We really should go inside. It's not good to sleep outside and as good as it feels sleeping with Abby against me, this hard chair is doing nothing for my back. What time is it anyway? I carefully detach my arm from Abby's stomach where it was resting and lift it so I can see my watch. 2 AM it reads. Jep, we really should get to bed. I start to move, careful not to wake Abby up, but I don't think that's necessary. She doesn't even move a bit as I stand up and take her in my arms. She really must be exhausted. I carefully walk inside with her and, after struggling a little with the door, walk into her and Maggie's room. Lifting the comforter, I carefully place her on the bed and tuck her in. She looks so peaceful, so sweet. I take one last look at her and place a tiny kiss on her forehead. 'Sleep tight, Abby' I whisper, and then I leave the room, not noticing Maggie awake and watching me walk away..

I quietly undress myself down to my boxers and slip in bed, but I can't sleep. I feel guilty. When I kissed Abby, even just on her forehead, I felt something. Something I haven't felt with anyone before, and it scares me. I don't know exactly what it means, but I know this can't be good. I mean, it could be great, if Abby felt the same and if she wasn't with Luka, but that's not the case. Abby is with Luka and she likes me as a friend. But how can I be her friend when I feel this? I'm really not sure what I'm supposed to do now, how to act when we both wake up tomorrow and have to face each other again. At least I should be glad I woke up before she did. I don't know what kind of scene we would've had if we'd both have woken up outside, on the chair, in each other's arms. I wonder what we'd have said when we woke up and realized we'd slept together. Not really sleeping together, but still sleeping together. Oh, look at me. I'm rambling now. I really should get some sleep.

I turn around trying to get comfortable. No such luck. I can still smell her a little bit. I feel a wet spot where her tears had hit the pillow earlier this evening. I really should talk to her about that by the way. Later though. I don't want to push her. She has to talk to me when she's ready. When she's ready. I can feel my eyes growing heavier. When the timing is right. I can feel sleep washing over me, finally. When the timing is right, we'll be together. And then I'm asleep.

In the other room, Maggie's still awake. She just couldn't sleep after the scene she'd just witnessed. She's always been a light sleeper and without meaning to, Carter had woken her when he'd opened the door and had put Abby to bed. But now, Carter's been long gone and she's still awake. After some more tossing and turning she decides to get some water and climbs out of bed. She returns with a glass of water and grabs the chair next to Abby's bed and sits down on it. And without knowing why, she starts talking to Abby.

'I'm so sorry honey. I didn't mean to snap at you like that tonight. I know you mean it all really well and I'm so grateful for everything you've done for me today. And for everything you've done for me before. I never meant to be like this. I don't want to be like this. I don't know why, but I can't help it, and I hate myself for it. Not for what it's doing to me, but for what it's doing to you. All I want for you is to be happy, and then this happens. I'm so, so sorry honey' and even though the tears start to fall now, she keeps talking.

'I'm really glad you took John with you. He's such a great guy, and he really loves you, you know that? I saw it in his eyes just now' a faint smile forms on her lips thinking about it. 'I don't think you know it though. You don't see in yourself what other people see in you. I think that's your biggest weakness, and that's all my fault. I never told you how great you are. How beautiful and special you are, and I'm so sorry for that. Because you deserve to know. And you deserve someone who sees that in you. And John does, honey. He sees it in you, don't let that slip away. Don't shut out the people that really care about you. And please don't shut me out. I promise you I'll be a better mother. I'm really gonna try to be a better mother to you and Eric, and I hope you'll let me. I really hope you'll let me..'

The tears start to fall again and Maggie gets up. She leans over and gives Abby a kiss on her forehead, just like Carter had done before. 'I love you Abby' And then she empties her glass of water in the sink and crawls back in bed, hoping to finally get some sleep.

A/N: There! Please let me know what you think. Like it? Hate it? Any suggestions? Please review!!


	3. Coffee, bagels and clothes in the mornin...

A/N: I'm glad you're still enjoying the story. And thanks for the suggestions. I have a pretty good idea how I want this story to go and I'll certainly keep the suggestions in mind. Well anyway, here's is chapter 3. Let me know what you think, I love the reviews!

Helping out

Chapter 3

I wake when I feel the sun shine through the curtains. It feels warm on my face. I like it and I don't feel like opening my eyes just yet. I just had the greatest night sleep and I'm not ready to give that up, so I turn to my other side. I now feel the sun shining on my hair, making it feel warm. This feels great. I breathe in deeply and I can feel my thoughts starting to drift of once again. They seem to be doing that a lot lately. At first they used to drift of to Luka, but lately I find myself thinking about Carter more often. But now that's not the case. I find myself thinking about… Maggie. Maggie? Yeah, Maggie. I had the weirdest dream last night. I heard her say all those sweet things I'd wanted her to say to me when I was little. How she loved me, and how beautiful I am. Actually, it was a really great dream. It's nice to have a mother who really is a mother, only if it's just in a dream. Maybe she really can be a good mother. Maybe I should give her another chance. I now open my eyes and look at her sleeping form. Yeah, maybe I should. Then I feel my eyes closing again, and once again, I'm asleep.

I wake for the second time that morning because I hear a knock on the door. I look at my watch and find that it's already 10.30. I really should get up. I stand up to open the door for whoever is now knocking very persistently and see to my surprise that I'm still in he clothes I had on yesterday. Why the hell did I sleep with my clothes on? Before I can think about it I hear my name being called.

'Abby, are you awake? Can you open the door please? It's John'

I roll my eyes at that. Who else would it be? I open the door and see Carter. I put on my best fake-surprised-face and try to sound surprised as well.

'Oh Carter! It IS you! You know, I found it a little weird how Maggie had gotten a male voice just over night'. I smile at him and step aside to let him in. He's carrying a Styrofoam cup of coffee and a brown back with something in it that, I must say, smells really good.

'Ha ha, very funny Abby. Why did it take you so long to open the door?'

'I've only just woken up. In fact, you'd just woken me up'

'Well, I'm sorry about that. But you needed to get up anyway because we have to hit the road soon if we want to make it to Chicago today. Unless you want to spend another night with your mum and me in a hotel'

I can see him smile. He meant it as a joke, but the fact is I'd really like to spend another night with him in a hotel. Oh no, I shouldn't be thinking about that. Not now, and not ever.

'Abby?'

'Huh? Oh, I'm sorry, what'd you say?'

'You okay? You were just staring in the space.'

Oops, are my cheeks getting red already?

'Sorry, still a little tired I guess.' Quick Abby, change the subject! 'That coffee smells great Carter, and what've you got in that bag?'

He looks at me and then at his hand, realizing that, there is in fact a bag in them. 'Owh yeah, it's coffee and bagels. I thought you might be hungry. And if you're not, I'm still going to make you eat these. You haven't eaten since yesterday you know'

'Yes Carter, I'm well aware of that. My stomach was telling me that already, but thanks for pointing it out'

I'm making this into a joke, but truth to be told, I think it's really sweet of him. Helping me and also making sure I'm eating alright. What did I do to deserve him? Oh yeah, that's right, having a bipolar mum, I guess. Speaking of Maggie, where is she?

'Have you seen Maggie anywhere? I haven't seen her this morning.'

'She went downstairs to get something to eat herself. I bumped into her in the hallway. I offered to get some food for her too, but she wanted to get out of the hotel for a little while. I told her to be back in this room by 11'

'Thanks John, really' I say, sitting down on the bed with the coffee and the bagels. 'Have you already eaten or do you want one?' I hold up a bagel.

'No thanks, these are all just for you, so start eating!' He says, looking at me mocking-seriously. I just smile back and start eating the bagels. Wow, these are really good.

'I'm going downstairs to pay the hotel, I'll be right back' he says. I just nod and drink my coffee. Hmm, that tastes good. No wonder, I haven't had something to eat or drink for almost 24 hours, I'm famished. After I'm done eating I walk into the bathroom to make myself a little more presentable. I still haven't figured out why I'm still in my clothes. Now that I think of it, I can't even remember going to bed. I must have been really tired last night, or – oh my God, I remember now! The balcony, the chair, the massage, John. He must've put me to bed. So I must've fallen asleep. In his arms I might add. Oh my God, it all comes back to me now.

It felt so great lying in his arms that I fell asleep. What must he have thought? Ah, so what, I fell asleep in the arms of my best friend, who cares? Well, I know someone who cares. Luka. But he really shouldn't care. It meant nothing. But if it meant nothing, why do I feel... guilty? Yes, I feel guilty. Guilty for falling asleep in the arms of a guy who isn't my boyfriend. I knew this whole trip was a bad idea, but it wasn't like I really had a choice, did I?

Before I get a chance to answer that question for myself I hear a door open and close again. I quickly splash some more water in my face hoping that'll help. I look in the mirror. Well, it'll have to do. I walk into my room again and see no one. Carter must've gone to his own room. I open the door leading to his bedroom and walk in. He's packing his stuff and doesn't seem to notice me. I can hear him humming. I stand in the doorway for a little longer, looking at him a little longer. I don't know why, but I can't take my eyes away from him. I'm trying to figure out what song it is that he's humming, but I then hear a door behind me open and I see Maggie walking in to our room. I don't want to get caught looking at Carter by either one of them, so I quickly close Carters door and turn to Maggie.

'Hey mum, are you almost ready to go?' I ask, trying to sound as normal as possible and not as if I was almost caught by staring at someone I really shouldn't be staring at.

'Yeah, I packed my stuff. I just need to go to the bathroom. Are you ready yourself?'

'Jep. I'll just go tell Carter we're ready to go then.'

'Yeah, you do that' Maggie says smiling, before disappearing in the bathroom. I look at her weird. Why was she smiling at that? It was not like I was being funny or something like that. Well, mothers… what are you gonna do about them? I smile at myself of thinking of Maggie as my mother. Maybe this trip wasn't so bad after all. I take a deep breath in and then turn around to get Carter, so we can finally go back to Chicago.


	4. Car rides, calls and conversations

A/N: I got no reviews on my last chapter but I've decided to post this chapter anyway. This is the last one I've written so far and I really like this one. Please let me know if you do too. If nobody likes this story anymore I won't bother continuing… so, review, and let me know what you all think…

Helping out

Chapter 4

We're sitting in the car back to Chicago now and it's actually a quite peaceful ride. I'm behind the wheel, Abby is sitting next to me, either listening to the lines of the song intensely or very deep in thoughts, and Maggie is sitting in the backseat, silently humming along with the music. I'm almost beginning to find it sad that in 8 hours or so, this trip will be over. Once we're back in Chicago again, I won't see Abby outside of work - except maybe for our regular coffee and pie's after a meeting, but not like this. In Chicago, we'll just be friends, when here, I had the feeling we were almost something more. I know now that I definitely feel more for her than just friendship, and if she weren't with Luka, I would've sworn she felt the same. Well, maybe not the same, because I care so very much for her that I can't get my head around it, let alone that she can, but I think we do have that chemistry. I think we always did, but this trip made it obvious, I think for the both of us. Although, if Abby's feeling what I'm feeling, she's probably in denial. She's been very grateful towards me this whole trip. She's said that a couple of times and I can tell she really means it, but there was something else. On the balcony. There was definitely this tension between us, but I can't really describe it. It wasn't a sexual tension, but it wasn't a purely friendly tension either. I was looking at her then, when she was staring at the stars, and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She looked so beautiful, and with the moon shining on her hair, she looked like an angel. I wanted to reassure her that everything was going to be okay. I wanted to hug her and keep her safe, but I knew that I couldn't. I probably would've shocked her and she would've pushed me away. So I've decided to let her relax a little - without any side meanings, just let her relax. I wanted it to be about her, not about me. So we sat down in that chair and when I noticed she started to fall asleep, I couldn't maintain myself anymore and I pulled her to me, just to make sure she was comfortable. I think she really needed it at that moment. But it felt so good that we both fell asleep, and later when I woke up – well, I've been there with my thinking already, a few times actually. Well, to be honest, all the time. That night had been on my mind ever since I'd put Abby to bed and went to bed myself. I even had a dream about it last night, and it was so great. I felt so happy. It's hard to imagine that that night was only last night. It feels like so much has happened since then. Maybe it's because I've lived that night a million times, just like now, or maybe it's because I now know what I want; I want her.

I'm pulled from my thoughts when I hear a cell phone ringing. It's Abby's and she answers it. I can only hear her side of the conversation, and it doesn't sound happy. I can see Maggie in my back-mirror looking concerned at Abby too.

'I'll call you right back, I can't hear you too well over the noise from the car. Yes, I promise, bye!' I hear Abby say angrily, and then she flips her phone shut.

'John, can we pull over somewhere. I have to call Luka back' she asks me. She doesn't look happy at all, more like agitated.

'Yeah sure. There's a rest stop about 2 miles away' I say. She looks at me thankfully and then starts looking out of the window. She looks really sad. I don't know what Luka has said to her, but I feel really bad for her. I put my hand on her upper leg and give it a light squeeze, silently telling her that it'll be okay. She turns her head to me and gives me the best smile she can muster and then looks out the window again. Two minutes later we reach our stop and I park the car. We all sit still for a moment. Abby then looks at me and Maggie with an apologetic look.

'I'm sorry I have to call Luka back, I won't be long, I promise'

She gets out of the car and walks away 'till she's out of earshot. Maggie and I look at each other. I don't really know what to say, but apparently Maggie does.

'I don't like that Luka' she says and she sighs, 'he really isn't good for Abby'

I look at her, stunned. I never thought Maggie would say something like that. All the times I've spoken to her when she was normal, as in not-bipolar, I've always found her the person who's looking for the best in people.

'Do you like him?' She than asks me.

I don't really know what to say. Well, just be honest I guess. I think for a minute on how to put it. 'Well, he's a good doctor and he's my college, but he's not really my friend. We have a different way of… handling things'

'What kind of things?'

'Ehh… persons I guess. I'm more of a listener, and he's more of a just-do-don't-think kind of guy' Maggie looks at me weird and really not understanding what I'm saying, so I try to explain. 'When someone comes to me with a problem, I believe that it helps if they talk about it and then find out on their own what they want, but Luka tries to solve it for them, even if no one asks him to and that collides with peoples feelings sometimes. Most people want to solve their own problems, and not depend on others to do it for them. It makes them feel weak'

She looks at me like she understands me now. Then suddenly there's a question I wasn't expecting… at all.

'You're talking about Abby, aren't you? The people you're talking about… you mean Abby right?'

I don't know where to look. Now that I think about it, I was in fact talking about Abby. I look at Maggie, who's smiling at me. I don't know what to say. I open my mouth to say something, but she beats me to it.

'I know, John. I know how much you care about my daughter and I'm really glad you do. I think you're a wonderful friend to her and she needs that. She's never had a mother she could depend on, and I know that she seems strong, but I also know that that is just an act. She's a strong person, but she needs to be loved and cared for also, even if she says that that's not true. I don't think Luka is the right person for her to be with. I'm sure he's a good doctor and a good person at heart, but he's not the right guy for her… I think you are…'

She adds that last part under her breath, but I heard it nonetheless and she knows it. I look at her as if she's kidding, but she just gives me a reassuring smile. Once again, I don't know what to say.

'It's okay' Maggie says as she sees me looking helpless, 'you don't have to say anything. Just think about it. I see the way you look at her when she isn't looking; it's the same way she looks at you when you aren't watching'

I have the feeling there's more she's wanted to say, but out of the corner of my eye I see Abby walking towards us, so we leave it at that. Maggie smiles at me one more time and then I turn around in my seat so I'm sitting in the right direction again. Well, she really has given me something to think about. I hope that Abby isn't going to ask what we'd talked about while she was away, because I don't know what I'd say. I hear the door open and Abby gets into the seat next to me. I look at her and I'm about to ask what Luka had to say, when I see that she's been crying. Her eyes are slightly swollen and still a little red. I think Maggie saw it too, but she doesn't say anything. I think she knows that she probably isn't the person Abby wants to talk to right now. I look at Abby again, she's just staring straight forward.

'Abby, are you okay? Should we go outside for a second?' I ask her as gently as possible.

'No thanks, just drive' she says without any emotion. I look at her for a second longer and then start the car. It's now really silent and no one is saying anything, so I turn up the music a little louder. Maybe that'll take some of the tension that is now in the car away and make Abby more comfortable. It seems like it works. Maggie once again starts humming along with the music and I look at Abby one last time, put my hand on her leg again but leave it there. She looks at me and I can see tears forming in her eyes again. I squeeze her leg and give her a reassuring smile that we'll talk later. She nods that she understands and so we keep driving, Chicago still 6 hours away…

A/N: Continue or not? Let me know!!


	5. Home sweet home

A/N: Hey peoples! Thanks for all the lovely reviews. I've been really busy so it took me a while and I really need to get to bed (Holland; stupid time difference) but I really wanted to post it, so here is chapter 5. I hope you like it… It may be a while before I upload the next chapter,because I really have a lot to do for school and it's almost Christmas,so; busy busy busy.. but I'll post again as soon as I can.. well anyway, let me know what you think about this chapter...

Helping out

Chapter 5

The rest of the ride was uneventful. Except for stopping for gas we drove all the way without stopping. Maggie and Abby both feel asleep soon after our short stop at the rest stop where Abby had made that phone call with Luka and I had that conversation with Maggie. That conversation has been on my mind ever since, but it's not what had occupied my thoughts the most. It was that call. I still don't know what has been said in that call, but Abby was really upset. We haven't had a chance to talk about it and I don't even know if she wants to talk to me about it, but I really want to know what's been said. I can understand that she didn't want to talk about it in front of Maggie, so when Maggie fell asleep I thought we had a chance to have a conversation, but Abby looked still really sad and tired, and she eventually feel asleep too. I still had my hand on her leg to provide some reassurance and I smiled when in her sleep, she reached for my hand. I hadn't let it go until it was really necessary. It felt good to know that she apparently found some comfort in me and it felt great to have her hand in my hand. They fitted so perfectly, like they were made to be hold by each other. But sadly enough, eventually I had to let go. Now we're about 1 hour away from Chicago and I see Abby stirring. She slowly opens her eyes and looks around, her eyes slowly adjusting to the light. She stretches herself and then looks at me, giving me a smile. It's the first real smile since we've driven away from Oklahoma and I'm glad to know she still can smile. I guess that sleep just now has done her some good.

'Hey' she says, in the cutest sleepy voice.

'Hey,' I say back. 'Sleep well?'

'Yeah, it was great. How long was I out?'

'About 5 hours,' I say, smiling at her surprised face.

'Oh, I'm sorry John. You come all the way with me and then I fall asleep; some company am I. I'm sorry…'

I cut her off.

'Abby, it's okay really. I guess you needed it – like your mom' I add smiling.

Abby looks over her left shoulder and sees Maggie still asleep, curled up on the backseat. She lets out a little laugh and turns back to me. She keeps staring at me, and I'm trying really hard to focus on the road and not to look at her. I can feel her gaze burning on the side of my head. I don't want to look at her because I'm afraid that when I look, I can't keep my eyes of her and that wouldn't be the safest thing to do on the road. I can still feel her staring. I'm not going to look… I'm not going to look…

'John,' she says softly, then pausing, waiting for me to look at her. I guess I have no choice. I take my eyes of the road for a second, looking at her, letting her know that I'm listening. Then I quickly focus on the road again. I can hear her sigh. 'Thanks, for everything, really. And for not asking any questions' she adds quietly.

I now don't even think but just turn my head to look at her. She knows I heard her, so she quickly averts her eyes again, looking anywhere but at me.

'Do you want to talk about it?' I ask her carefully. I can see her swallow and then shake her head no.

'I'm not ready to talk about it yet. I'm sorry John, I really am, but-' and before she can even finish that sentence I hear the tears in her voice before I see them appear on her cheeks. I see a stop half a mile down the road and decide to pull over. As the car stands still now I turn to Abby. The tears are still silently falling, though she's trying her best to hold them in. I lift my thumb to her cheek and wipe them gently away. Now she starts to sob even harder. I get out of the car and walk to her side. I open her door and pull her out of the car and into my arms. I suddenly don't care anymore, about anything. All I want is for her to feel safe and comforted. I sneak my arms around her waist and I'm surprised when she puts her arms through mine, linking them behind my back and leaning her head against my chest. I half expected her to push me away. Apparently she needed this more then I thought. With my hand I draw circles on her back, hoping that that'll calm her down a bit. My shirt is now actually drenched with her tears. Not that I care about that, I have a dozen of these shirts at home, I just want her to cry it all out. I don't know how long we stand here. It must look really weird to all the cars driving by us, but I don't care. I couldn't care less. Eventually I feel Abby calm down and she then lifts her head from my chest, but she keeps her arms encircled around my waist, so I do that too. I look down to find her looking up at me, her chin resting on my chest. We look into each others eyes, hers still wet with tears, mine full of love and concern. She takes a deep breath and then gives me a small smile. Never breaking eye contact she stands on her tiptoes and gives me a small kiss on my cheek. She then lets go of my waist, taking my hand instead… 'Come on, let's go back' and she leads me back to the car. It's good she doesn't look back at me, because I probably have a stupid grin on my face and my hand is on the place where her lips had touched my skin. I can still feel them and it feels great.

Abby gets into the car and I walk around to my side and then get in. I find Abby covering Maggie with the blanket that was apparently on the backseat or something. She then turns around and fastens her seatbelt. I start the car and we drive. Abby turns up the music a little when a song that she likes comes on and she starts to sing along with it. I chuckle to myself. Abby looks at me and gives me a questioning look.

'I wouldn't consider a career change if I were you' I say. She looks at me, faking offended, but I can see her smile.

'Well, lucky for me then that I wasn't planning on leaving the hospital'

'Lucky for me too then, because I couldn't miss you at the hospital' Oops, did I really just say that? I was only supposed to think it. I look quickly at Abby, but it doesn't seem she took it the way I meant it.

'No of course not, I'm the best nurse in the ER' she happily replies.

'Yeah, you are. You are…' I say, still a little thrown of guard by my own statement. I then turn my head back and focus on the road once again, not knowing if I'm happy or disappointed that she didn't catch the true meaning behind my words. Maybe it would be best for the both of us if my feelings were just out in the open, but I don't want to tell her directly how I feel because as far as I know, she's still with Luka, and then I would probably only confuse her, and that's definitely not what she needs right now.

I've been so deep in thoughts that I hadn't even noticed we were already in Chicago and almost at Abby's house. I look at Abby who's staring out of the side window with a smile on her face. Apparently she hasn't noticed it either. I turn the music down and Abby looks at me with a questioning face. Guess she'd been listening to that.

'We're almost there. Maybe you should wake Maggie' I say. She nods and takes the seatbelt off and turns around.

'Mom… mom, we're almost there. You have to wake up…' I hear her say. I hear Maggie murmur something in return but I don't get the idea she's really waking up. Suddenly I have an idea.

'Abby, leave it. I'll carry her upstairs, let her sleep' I say.

'Are you sure? Can you handle that with your back?' Oh, she's concerned about my back, how sweet.

'Yeah, I'm sure. I've carried her before, didn't I? It'll be easier for you and for her too' I reason.

'Okay thanks' Abby says, and she turns back in her seat. I'm very proud of myself; now I get to spent a little bit more time with her. We reach her house and I park the car. She gets out and grabs the bags while I get out and gently lift Maggie from the backseat. Abby walks ahead of me and opens the door to let me in, and together with Maggie we enter her house.

A/N: I've decided to end this chapter here. First I wanted it to be longer, but I think the next part is better told from Abby's POV, I hope you agree.

Review…


	6. After conversation break through?

A/N: Hey everybody. Between gift shopping and homework I managed to get another chapter out. This one is rather long, so this'll have to get you through the holidays. I really don't have time to write another one (I think, but I'll try. I like writing them). Anyway, read this first and then read the author's note at the end. Enjoy!

Helping out

Chapter 6

I open the door while struggling with the bags and I let Carter in. I'm actually really glad he offered to help me get Maggie inside, because I don't want to deal with her. It's so quiet when she's asleep and I like that. Now Carter stands in the hallway with a sleeping Maggie in his arms, looking at me questioningly. Oh, that's right. I can't let him just stand there.

'Oh right, sorry Carter,' I chuckle. I point to the guest bedroom. 'You can just put her on the bed, I'll tuck her in later'

He nods and walks into the bedroom. I see him disappear in the room and then grab the bags and walk to my bedroom. I put them on the bed and then sit down for a second. How can I still be tired after I just slept through most of the ride? I take a deep breath and then I hear a grumbling sound coming from my stomach. I haven't eaten anything since the bagels this morning, no wonder my stomach is making noises. Carter probably hasn't eaten anything either. Maybe he wants to stay for dinner. I have to talk to him anyway. I think he deserves to know what happened with Luka on the phone, since he's been so sweet and concerned for me. He's done so much for me that he doesn't deserve to be in the dark about it. I hear Carter call my name and I stand up. Wooh, head rush! I really need to eat something. I walk out of my room and I see Carter standing by the door.

'She's still asleep. I covered her with a blanket. I think she'll be out for a little while longer so that should give you the chance to rest some more. Do you think you're gonna be okay?'

'Yeah, I'll be fine, thanks Carter, but-' I say, but he cuts me off.

'Okay, well, I'm gonna go then. I'll call you later' he already has the knob of the door in his hand and he's about to turn it.

'John' I say softly. He turns and looks at me.

'Do you want to stay for dinner? I was just going to order in pizza and you haven't eaten anything today so you must be hungry' he looks at me like he's debating it. 'And I was hoping we could talk a little…' I say shyly. He now looks at me and smiles a little.

'Yeah sure, I'd like that' he says. I smile and take his coat. He walks into the living room and sits down on the couch. He's never really been here at home with me before. Only when he came to pick me up for that charity-event his grandparents were having at the museum. I remember that day like yesterday. It's the first time I realized I maybe had more feelings for him then just friendly feelings, only I didn't know then, or maybe I just didn't want to know. I realize now that I'm staring at him so I ask him what kind of pizza he wants.

'Doesn't matter, I'll have whatever you're having'

'Okay, I'll just order in the kitchen – that's where I keep the menus' I add, when he gives me a weird look. He laughs. 'Can I get you something to drink while I'm there?' I ask with a smile.

'Eh, sure… Just a soda or something like that'

'Coming right up! I'll be right back. Watch some TV if you like' I say, and then I disappear in the kitchen. I order two pepperoni pizzas with extra cheese. They should be here in half an hour. Good thing too, 'cause I'm starving. I poor 2 glasses of coke and take them back to the room. I see Carter sitting on the couch looking through a photo album. Where did he get that from? I didn't even know I had that one. Now that I think of it, it isn't mine; it's Maggie's.

'Here' I say, setting the drinks on the table and sitting next to him on the couch. 'Where did you get that?' I ask, pointing at the album.

'It was on the floor of your living room' he says, looking at me as if I'm crazy. 'Isn't it yours then?'

I swallow a lump in my throat and shake my head. 'No, it's Maggie's. It must've fallen out of her bag when I put them away. I haven't seen these pictures in ages. I can't believe she carries this thing with her'

'I can. There are a lot of pictures of her children in here' Carter says. I look at him and he smiles at me. 'She loves you very much Abby, even if you can't always tell'

I can feel tears stinging behind my eyes, but I manage to hold them back. I smile back at Carter and mouth a silent 'thank you'. He just nods and hands me the album.

'Here, why don't you look through it. I have to go to the bathroom'

'Down the hall, second door on your right' I say. He weaves to let me know he understands and I avert my attention back to the album. I open it on the first page, and start looking through it. There are some really nice pictures in here. I find a very cute one of me and Eric when we were little; running on the beach totally naked. I smile at that. I turn the page and find a picture of Eric and I on the couch, me reading to him. Anyone looking at those pictures must think I've had the perfect childhood. On the next page is a photo of Maggie and Eric in the garden. I guess I must've taken that one, because it's a little tilted and not sharp. I chuckle to myself. On the next page in a picture of the three of us. Maggie is sitting in a chair, Eric is on her lap and I'm hanging around her neck from behind. We all smile and look very happy. Why can't I remember those happy times? Why can I only remember the messed-up times, when Maggie was off her meds and that I had to raise Eric. Why can't I remember the times we had fun? I angrily wipe the tears that had started to fall from my cheeks. I hate to cry, but lately it seems to be all that I can do, and it's driving me crazy. I can't even make them stop. Suddenly I see a tissue dangling in front of me. I laugh at that and follow the arm of the hand that is holding it 'till I find the face of its owner.

'Thanks' I say when I grab the tissue from him and dry my eyes, well, try to dry them at least.

'You're welcome' he says, while he sits next to me again. 'Is everything okay?' I nod. 'What was in the album that made you cry? Or was it something else that caused those tears?' He moves a thumb up to my face and wipes a falling tear away. I shake my head.

'No, it's just that… I saw all those pictures and we looked so happy, like a happy family and I am just so mad at myself that I can't remember those times. All I remember are the bad times and Maggie doesn't deserve that. I mean, look at those pictures! Obviously she's been a good mother too. I'm a terrible daughter that I can't remember those times!' I shout now, very angry and upset with myself.

'Hey, hey, hey!' Carter says, and he pulls me against him, but I push him away.

'No, don't! I don't deserve that. I just… I don't know' I sigh. 'I don't know anymore…'

'Abby, listen to me. You're a great daughter. Possibly the best daughter a mother could wish for. Of course there were happy times, but there were also many sad times. And it was you who helped your mother and your brother through them. And hell, just now you went to Oklahoma to help your mom. If you really were such a bad daughter, you wouldn't have done that' He looks at me and I look up at him. Maybe he's right. I look in his eyes and I can see he means what he says. He nods at me, never breaking eye contact, silently asking me if I understand him. I nod back and wipe the last tears from my cheeks. I open my mouth to say something to him, but I then hear the doorbell. Doorbell? Oh yeah, that's right. I totally forgot about the pizzas. I want to stand up when Carter beats me to it, putting a hand on my leg holding me down.

'I'll get it' and he stands up and walks to the door. I walk to the bathroom to splash some water in my face and then grab my purse on the way to the living room. Carter has already put the pizzas on the table in front of the TV and he's sitting on the floor. I open my purse to get some money for him for the pizzas, but he blows me off.

'It's on me. Here, sit!' and he pats on the floor beside him. I smile and put my wallet back in my purse and sit down next to him, immediately digging into my pizza. It smells great and I'm famished. I hear Carter laughing beside me and I look at him.

'What?' I ask him, with a mouth full of pizza.

'Nothing' he says still smiling. We eat the rest of the meal in a comfortable silence. We both have a lot to think about after the last two days but there's really not much to say right now, except maybe that phone call. I just don't know how to bring it up. Maybe just saying it is the best way. I don't know why I can't just tell him. I shouldn't be scared, because there's nothing to be scared of, right? I'm pulled out of my thoughts when he starts talking again.

'Have you had enough to eat?'

'Yeah, I'm totally stuffed, thanks. Have you had enough?'

'Well, I could do with a cup of coffee' he says smiling at me. 'I'm actually more tired then I thought. You and your mom had a chance to catch up on sleep when you were in the car, but somehow I didn't think that that was the safest thing for me to do'

'Good point' I say laughing. 'I'll make some coffee. But if you really are tired you can just go home. I don't think that Maggie is going to be much trouble tonight so I should be alright by myself'

'I know that you are, but you said you wanted to talk so I'm staying.' He says this as a statement, like there's no point in trying to talk him out of it. Apparently he didn't forget. Well, this makes it easier, because now I don't have to bring it up. I stand up and clean the boxes of the table and take our now empty glasses with me.

'Okay, I'll go make coffee. Make yourself comfortable, I'll be right back' I say, and then I disappear in the kitchen. I put on the coffee brewer and then lean against the counter. I can hear the news in the other room. I guess Carter's watching TV. I close my eyes for a second and take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. It doesn't work. I open my eyes and see that the coffee is done. I take the two cups and take one last breath, and then walk back into the living room, to Carter.

I put two cups of coffee on the table and once again I go sit next to Carter. He looks at me and then turns of the TV. I don't really know where to look. I shouldn't feel as uncomfortable as I'm feeling now. I look at the clock and find that it's only 8 o'clock. I grab my coffee and settle back into the couch. If we're going to have a talk I might as well get comfortable. He's been following my moves but hasn't said anything yet. I think he's waiting for me to speak. Well, I might as well talk then.

'I wanted to talk to you' I start. I look at him, uncertainly. He takes this as a cue to also get comfortable. He shifts and now we're both leaning with out back against the sides of the couch, so out feet are almost touching in the middle of the couch and we're facing each other. He nods to let me know that he's listening.

'At first I wanted to thank you. I know that I've said this before, but I want to say it again. I don't think you can begin to understand how thankful I am that you came with me. I used to deal with this alone and I still could if it was necessary, but it was a really good feeling that I had someone I could count on; that there was someone who was there for me. I'm really glad I didn't have to do this alone this time, so thank you' I take a breath and look at him. He's still looking intensely at me.

'I'm always here for you Abby' he says seriously.

'I know, and I'm very grateful for that. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you as a friend' I say.

'You'd always have Luka' Carter then says. I look his way and see him staring at his hands. I'm not really sure, but I could swear that there was a jealous tone in his voice. Well, he has nothing to be jealous of anymore.

'No I don't. Not anymore' He looks at me, like he's not sure he's heard me right. I take a breath and then I continue. I have to tell him now. 'I don't think I ever had him' Carter looks thoroughly confused now. 'I had to call him back remember? Well, at first he just wanted to know how it was going, but then he got mad at me that I took you with me instead of him and that it was more like I was in love with you instead of him, and then I told him he had no right to be mad at me, because it's my mother and my life and my business and that he couldn't understand. And he then said that you couldn't understand it either and I don't know why, but he just went on and on about how he could never do anything right and how I always turned to you first and that that was stupid because he is my boyfriend and you're not and then I just got so mad at him that I… broke up with him' I say the last part very softly. I'm very upset about the whole situation all over again. 'I just don't understand why Luka said all the things he said. I was trying really hard to keep that relationship alive, dealing with everything and now this stuff with my mother, and if he just can't respect that, then I don't want to be with him. So I told him I couldn't do this anymore and he said that that was the smartest thing I'd said in the last couple of days and then I said that we were over and then-' I stop to take a breath and I look at Carter who's looking at me with his mouth open, listening to my tirade. 'I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. It's just that, I'm still so mad about what he said and I guess I just wasn't ready to talk about it and I'm sorry'

'Abby, you don't have to apologize to me' he says. 'How are you feeling about it now?'

'I still don't really know that. I guess I'm relieved that it's over between us. We were always better of as friends, I just don't know if we can go back to that. But it wasn't working for a long time, so maybe it's better for the both of us'

'So, you don't regret it?'

'No. Well, at first I did, because I thought that now I was alone again, but then in the car, when I saw you, I realized that that wasn't true. Right?' I ask carefully.

'Abby, like I said before, I'm here for you, whenever you need me'

'Thanks Carter. You're really the best friend I have. And now also my only friend' I smile a little at him, trying not to let my last statement get to me, but it doesn't work and tears spring in my eyes again. I was wondering where they were. I'd made it through that whole speech without them; I was almost starting to miss them. I quickly turn my head so that Carter doesn't see them, but I think he knows.

'Abby' he says, trying to get my attention, but I don't look his way. 'It's just that, if you ever want to talk about anything, you know where I am' he says, and then he gets up from the couch. I look at him standing and I get slightly panicked. I don't want him to go just yet. The most important thing I haven't even told him. I just don't know if I can now, but still, I don't want him to go.

He stands there in the room and looks at me. 'I'm going home now, let you get some rest. Call me if you need anything okay?' I just look at him while he gets his jacket and he then walks back over to me and gives me a kiss on my cheek and then he walks out of the door and I hear the door close behind him. I sit paralyzed on the couch for a couple of seconds, but then I spurt back to life. I don't want him to go. I don't want to be alone. I want him to know everything and I want to be totally honest with him. I just can't stand this anymore. So I stand up and run out of the room, through the hall, open the door and go down the stairs. I see him walking to the car. He's almost there.

'Carter! Wait!' I shout. He stops and turns. He sees me running towards him and he steps away from the car, looking at me. 'Wait!' I shout one more time, totally unnecessary, because he doesn't look like he's going anywhere, but I really don't know what else to say. Well, I do know it, but I just can't find the words right now. I'm only a few meters away from him but I keep running, straight into his arms. I'm sure he doesn't know what's going on, but I don't care. I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him very tight, resting my head on his shoulder. I can feel him slipping his arms around my waist and pulling me close against him. 'Just wait, don't go, don't leave me. I don't want to be alone' I say, and I feel the tears coming again. Normally I would curse them but now I don't care. I can feel Carters lips pressing on my hair and then I hear him whisper something in my ear. 'Shhh Abby, it's okay. I'm not going anywhere.' And then he hugs me even tighter, if that's even possible, and I sigh. This is where I want to be. Now all I have to do is tell him…

A/N: Hi, me again. Did you like it? I hope so. I ended it here because the next chapter is going to be from Carter's POV. It'll also explain his reactions in this chapter, which you might think are a little weird. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please let me know! I love all the reviews you give me; they really keep me motivated. And if I don't get another chapter soon: Merry X-Mas and A Happy New Year!!


	7. The truth comes out

Chapter 7

We stand there for a couple of minutes and I have really no idea what's going on. I like the fact that Abby is hugging me, very tight I might add, but I'm also very curious why. I left tonight, because I wanted Abby to think and figure it all out. She obviously wasn't over her break up with Luka yet and she kept calling me 'her friend' and that hurts. I know that that isn't fair, but it's just what I feel, and believe me; I wish I didn't. I just thought she needed some alone time to think everything over before I couldn't contain myself anymore and started pouring my heart out and ended up telling her everything; how I feel about her, how much I love her and want to be with her, and that I want to be her boyfriend and that I'll take much better care of her then Luka, and.. see, this is exactly what I was trying to avoid saying. I'm glad this was all in my head. But I guess she didn't want to sort everything out on her own. She just told me she didn't want to be alone. That she didn't want me to leave. So here I am, standing on the sidewalk, with her in my arms. I feel a cool breeze blowing in my face. I guess we should go inside sometime, as much as I love holding her close to me.

'Abby, I think we should go back inside' I whisper in her hair. I can feel her mumble something against my chest, but I can't quite make out the words. 'I'm sorry, what did you say?' I ask with a hint of laughter in my voice. She takes her head of my shoulder and looks up at me.

'Yeah, you're right. I think I left the door open' she says a little embarrassed. She takes a step back, letting me go. 'Look, I'm really sorry about this and-' I cut her off.

'You know what?' I say, leaning a little closer and I continue in a whisper. 'Why don't we talk about this inside' I nudge with my head towards the house and look at her, smiling.

She smiles at me and nods. I grab her hand and lead her back inside her house. She did in fact leave the door open. Makes sense, I guess, since she came running towards me with such a high speed. I wouldn't have stopped to close a door either. We are now again in the living room and I wonder what's next. Abby is the first to speak.

'You go sit down, I'll go make some new coffee. We never drank the old ones but I think those are cold by now'

'Pretty good chance yeah' I say. 'I'll help you make some new coffee' I grab the two cups of the table and walk to the kitchen, Abby following me. I just didn't feel like sitting and waiting on that couch again. I'm now in the kitchen and look behind me, expecting Abby to be there, but she's not. I could've sworn she was there ten seconds ago. Just then she enters the kitchen.

'Sorry, I thought I'd check on Maggie. She's fine, still asleep' she says, answering my unasked question.

'Good. Where do you keep the coffee?' I ask.

'Right… here' she says, while grabbing it out one of the cabinets. 'Why don't you go sit down, I'll be right there'

'First you want me to come back here and then you don't want me near you' I say, tilting my head, watching her reaction. She just keeps looking at the coffee she's making.

'That's not true' I hear her finally whisper. She looks up at me with her big brown eyes.

'No, I think it is true' I say. Oops, that came out a little harsh. I continue in a softer voice, so she won't think I'm mad at her, which I'm not by the way. 'It's okay, but I really want to understand why. I'll give you your space now, I'll go to the living room, but I'm getting a little worried here. And confused. I don't know what you want anymore' I look at her, seriously now. I can see she feels really bad about it. I put my hand on her shoulder and squeeze it lightly. 'Whenever you're ready,' and I leave the kitchen.

I go sit on the couch, expecting to be there for a while. I thought Abby would be in that kitchen as long as possible, prolonging the moment. I'm really surprised when I see Abby storming into the room, with no coffee and looking angry.

'Do you really think that! That I don't want you near me?' she is now standing in front of me, towering over me since I'm on the couch, and she talking in a very low voice, as if trying not to yell at me. I don't know what to say. Was that a rhetorical question? I guess not, since she's looking at me, expectantly.

'I- I- I don't know' I say very timid. I don't know what's the right answer here and I'm afraid I'll say something wrong. 'I don't know what to think anymore, I-' I want to continue but when I look at Abby, I see tears in her eyes again. Did I just make her upset? Are those tears of anger? I really don't know what's going on anymore. How did everything get to be so complicated?

I'm startled when she suddenly speaks again. Her voice is now soft and almost a whisper. 'I can't do this John'

'You can't do what? Abby, I don't understand. I'd love to understand. I'm sure we can work things out, whatever it is. Just tell me what it is that's bothering you'

'John, I can't. I'm sorry I'm making this so complicated, really, but-'

'Why don't you come sit and we can talk okay?' I try.

'No I don't want to sit down! You don't understand it, do you?'

'Maybe I would if you just told me! Abby, it's me. You know you can trust me' I look at her, trying to make eye contact, but she avoids it. She's looking anywhere but at me. Now she even walks away. She walks to the window, looking at the sky. It's dark again, so there are a million of stars shining. I remember just last night, us looking at the stars. I hear a stuffed sob coming from her and I see her reflection in the window. I see the tears in her eyes. I don't know what to do. She doesn't want to talk, but she also didn't want me to leave. So what now? Am I supposed to sit here for the rest of the night? Well, I'm not going to do that. She just has to tell me what's wrong. I stand up and walk towards her. I approach slowly, trying not to scare her away. I stand next to her. I want to take her in my arms so badly, but I don't know if that's such a good idea. Not right now, anyway. We just stand there for what feels like hours, but is probably only two minutes. Then I hear her whisper something. I didn't catch the entire phrase, just one word: Luka. Great, here we go again. But hey, I'm not going to complain. At least she's talking to me. But I want to know what she'd said.

'I'm sorry, what'd you say?'

She turns towards me, but doesn't look at me. Not in my face anyway. She takes a deep breath and then whispers 'Luka was right.' Luka was right? About what? What did he say? I'm thinking really hard, but I don't understand.

'Abby, I'm sorry, I don't understand. What did Luka say that was right? You don't think the part about you choosing to get your mother was wrong, right?'

'No, not that, just the person I went with' she says, and then she looks at me. I don't know what to think.

'So..' I say while thinking how to put this, '..you're upset that you took me with you instead of Luka?'

'No, I'm not' she says, and she distances herself from me again by sitting on the couch. 'Not at all. It's just that, it makes all my feelings so much more complicated' I look at her, sitting there on the couch. She looks so tired. Tired because it's been a couple of stressful days and just tired of everything. But I'm glad she's willing to talk about her feelings. I walk over to the couch and sit next to her. I put a hand on her leg, hoping to provide some sort of comfort.

'What feelings?' She looks at me uncertainly, deciding whether or not to tell me. She opens and closes her mouth a couple of times, but nothing comes out. 'Abby-' I start, but before I can finish she interrupts me, like she's suddenly gotten the courage to say what she's been wanting to say. 'Luka was right about that I'm in love with you' she blurts out. I hadn't closed my mouth yet from my last attempt to speak, and now I'm unable to close it. I just look at her. She doesn't look at me, but she stares at her lap. 'I mean, I think I'm in love with you, and I don't know what to do about it. I mean, I understand if you don't feel the same and I still don't know what I need to do about it, since I'd only just broken up with Luka, and-' But she never gets to finish that sentence, since I lean over and gently place a kiss on her lips. Just for a second, to let know how I feel, then I pull back. I look at her expression. Her eyes are still closed, but there's a small smile playing on her lips. She opens her eyes slowly and looks at me. She's never looked so beautiful to me. I look into her eyes, and I feel her looking into my eyes and into my soul. Her look is all serious now and before I know what's going on, I see her leaning in again and this time it is her who kisses me. Not gently like I did, but more aggressive. She puts her arms around my shoulders and pulls me closer to her. I put my arms around her waist and pull her into my lap. I can't be close enough to her. I can't believe I'm kissing Abby. This must be the best feeling in the whole world. I can feel the kiss intensifying. This feels so much better then I ever imagined it. My hands have traveled from her waist and are now in her hair. She leans into me more and more, so I slowly fall back on the couch, Abby on top of me. I can hear her heavy breathing when she pulls away because we really need some oxygen. I untangle my lips from hers, my breathing also elaborated. We look at each other and smile. But then I hear some noise behind us. Abby heard it too, since she turns her head to look, and then freezes. I move a little so I can see what that noise was, and that's when I see Maggie and Luka standing in the door opening...


	8. Where do we go from here

Chapter 8

Great, just when I thought everything was finally sorted out, for the moment at least, the moment was gone. I feel Abby freeze in my arms and as I look I see why. Luka and Maggie are standing in the door opening, looking at us. I don't know how much they saw, but I'm pretty sure they saw us kissing. And what a kiss it was. We were so caught up in it that we didn't even hear Luka ring the doorbell and hear Maggie waking up and letting Luka into the house. But now they are still standing there. Abby tries to compose herself and climbs off of me as I sit back up on the couch. Well, this is awkward. Abby gives me an apologizing look and then stands up and walks towards Luka and Maggie. Maggie quickly excuses herself and walks into the kitchen. I see Abby approaching Luka and opening her mouth to speak when Luka turns around abruptly and almost runs out of the house. I hear the door slam behind him and Abby now stands there, helplessly in the middle of the room. I'm not sure what's going to happen next. I stand up and walk to Abby. She turns around and looks at me.

'John, I'm sorry, but I think…'

'Yeah, go talk to him. I'll wait here'

She looks at me gratefully and then opens her mouth again to say something but I interrupt before she evens begins. 'You have to go now' I say, and lightly push her towards the door. I see a smile forming on her lips and then she runs out of the house. I stand now in Abby's living room, where only a few minutes ago we were making out on the couch. I sigh heavily and walk back over to the couch and sit down. I lean back as far as I can and close my eyes. I open them when I feel someone staring at me. I look up and see Maggie looking at me. She gives me a look that asks me if she can sit on the couch and I nod my head. She sit next to me and looks at me. I already know she wants to talk about what she just saw, so I wait for her to speak.

'So..' she starts, with a smile on her face.

'Jep' I say, not really looking at her. I know she's happy about what happened, but I can't help feeling like little boy who got caught making out with his girlfriend by one of the parents.

'John, I'm happy for you two, really' Maggie says. I look at her and smile a little.

'Yeah, me too. It would've been better if Luka hadn't caught us though' I say with a somewhat remorseful tone in my voice.

'Well of course, but he would've heard it eventually'

'I know, but it's still not the same. I can only imagine how Abby feels right now. They'd only just broken up and-'

'They'd broken up? When did that happen?' Maggie asks. Owh yeah, Abby hadn't told Maggie about the phone call.

'Ehm, over the phone, you know, on the way back home..' Maggie just nods, remembering the call. There's an awkward silence between us. We don't know what to say. Luckily we're interrupted by the sound of the front door opening and closing and Abby walking into the room. Maggie stands up and gives Abby a hug. 'Honey, I'm going back to bed. I'm still tired. I'm sure you two have some things to talk about. Wake me if there's something I can do for you okay?'

'Thanks mom' she says, as she hugs Maggie back. Maggie gives her a kiss on the cheek and then leaves the room, leaving me and Abby. I stand up and walk over to her. As I reach her I can see her eyes are still a little red from crying. I don't say anything, just take her hand and lead her over to the couch once again. I sit down and pull her with me, but leaving a little room between us. I know that we have to talk about everything first. Kissing her was so great, but now everything is so complicated. Maybe we did this too fast. Maybe she should've talked to Luka first; then this never would've happened. Abby's hand is still in mine and I feel her entwining our fingers. I look at her and see her staring at our hands. She then looks up at me and our eyes lock, but this time I'm not able to read her. Usually I can tell pretty easily what she's thinking and how she feels, but not this time. We sit in silence for a minute or so, but then I can't stand it anymore. I need to know what'd happened.

'What did Luka say? Did you talk to him?' I ask, almost in a whisper.

'I ran after him and got to him before he got into his car, but he didn't really want to talk to me. He just said that he always knew it and that he was right. And there wasn't one thing that I could say, because he was right all along. I don't think he was really mad though, more hurt. And I know that it isn't fair to you, but..' She suddenly stops mid-sentence and looks at me. I'm not sure what she wants to say, but I think I can make a pretty good guess. I give her a look that urges her to go on. 'I just think that, maybe this is too fast. I know it isn't fair to you, but I've just broken up with Luka and I know I lead things on tonight, but I thought I was ready, but I think that.. maybe.. I'm not quit yet' The last part she says in a whisper and she averts her eyes from mine. I know that she is right. I want to be with her, and I know she wants to be with me, but I understand her point, no matter how much I regret it.

'Abby look at me. She doesn't. 'Look at me' I say again, but she refuses to do so. She just keeps staring at the table or something in that area. I gently grab her left cheek with my free right hand and turn her head towards me, forcing her to look my way. I look into her eyes, making sure that she really understands what I'm going to say next.

'Abby, it's okay. I understand. You know, I want to be with you, but I want you to be ready to be with me. I'll wait for you. Take all the time you need to sort everything out. For yourself and for Luka.' As I say this I see a tear falling down her cheek. I reach with my thumb and catch it. She mouths a silent 'thank you' to me, and I then pull her towards me in a comforting hug. She lays her head against my chest and I rub her back soothingly. We stay like that for a while and I can slowly feel her breathing become steadier and slower. I put some hair out of her eyes and see that they're closed. I gently rub her back, waking her up a little bit.

'Come on, you have to go get some sleep' she opens her eyes a little bit and looks at me. She nods her head and then tries to get up, but she's really tired. I think the conversation with Luka and then me, and of course the whole last two days has really taken it out on her. I don't think she has the strength to get up. She sighs and lays her head back on the spot on my chest, falling asleep again. So, for the second time in two days I carry Abby to her bedroom. I lay her down on the bed, take her shoes off and then her sweater. I don't know how far I can go, so I leave her pants on, and then put her under the covers. She opens her eyes for a second and we lock gazes. A small slime forms on her lips and I lean down and place a gentle kiss on her forehead. I know that I'm maybe pushing things a bit, but it just feels right. I put the bedroom light out and walk towards the door. With the knob already in my hands I hear her say something. I move closer to the bed and see her eyes still closed. Though I'm pretty sure I heard something.

'Abby' I whisper, 'did you say something?'

'Where are you sleeping?' she asks me, in a very sleepy voice.

'I was thinking about going home, but if you want me to, I can sleep on the couch. Keep an eye on Maggie..'

'You don't have to sleep on the couch' Abby says. Just as I feel slightly disappointed, I don't really know why, I hear her say 'If you want you can sleep here' she says, indicating to her bed.

I look at her a little questioning. First she's saying she's not ready and now she offers me to sleep next to her in bed. I know that nothing will happen, but I still find it confusing. 'Abby, you don't have to do this. I'll be fine on the couch'

Suddenly she seems much more awake. 'John, it's not a big deal. My bed is big enough for the both of us. We can sleep in it without legs or arms touching. So why sleep on the couch if you have a perfect comfortable bed to sleep in?'

'Well, if you put it that way..' I say, smiling a little bit to myself. I sit on the edge of the bed and take my shoes and sweater off and climb in bed next to Abby. I lay there on my back. I don't really know what's going to happen next. Sleep, I guess. Just as I want to turn on my side to make myself comfortable, I feel Abby's weight lifting over as she scoots closer towards me and puts her head on my chest. I glance down at her and find her looking up at me with the cutest smile.

'Do you mind?' she asks in a sleepy voice. 'You just make such a good pillow..'

'I don't mind in the least' I say, as I bring my arms around her and pull her closer to me. She snuggles closer to me, putting her legs between mine and letting her right arm encircle my waist. I put one hand on her back, under her shirt, gently rubbing her bare skin. Finally we're both comfortable and as I feel her breathing slow down I allow myself to fall asleep too. I don't know where we go from here, but as it looks now, I think we'll be able to figure it out, and when we do, it'll be perfect…


End file.
